I set up this blog account merely to make myself feel better, it is not really for the reading pleasure for others so feel free to click onto something more interesting like myspace or some kind of pornographic add.
I have no idea why i chose this particular blog site over the rest, i guess i just have no clue about these kind of things. Am i actually using it properly? Shouldn't i be using it to depict a topic which im interested in or something? Fuck it, i don't care.
You see i have no great "problems" as such. I mean my life ain't half too bad, im sitting here in a comfy chair with a bit of cash in my pocket listening to the Avalanches sing about radios. It isn't exactly hell. But its just the typical mood swings of a sixteen year old when they can plumit from the happiest chap alive to the pits of shitville.
I have no issues with anyone in particular, its just jealously more than anything that gets me annoyed - when someone is having a better time than me- especially someone i like. I'm a bit of a prick eh?
I always remember being told by my someone very close to me when i was young that if you have something to look forward to, and you can focus on that, then you can get through anything. Those words helped me through some life-threatening times and i still stand by that today. As long as i have something to look forward to im fine, but tonight i dont have anything.
Sure people will be back that are very dear to me, but can i really rely on one or two people to keep me happy? I doubt its very fair on them nor me. One thing ive learnt over my coming-of-age is that really you can trust no-one. Everyone will let you down one day, when they die or cheat or lie or do something to hurt you and your left standing there by yourself...especially when you rely on this person for all your happiness, its a lot to ask.
I also have two things in my life, probably the only things that i believe in completely. These are mere theory's but they mean something to me.
The first may seem a real contradicition to my life or anyone elses, but you have to believe in something i guess. It is that your dreams(the actual things you think of at night) never come true in real life, or at least they haven't in mine anyway.
The second is what i hope will bring me what i want in the long-run...if you want something enough you can achieve anything.
This is to not mean i do not believe in dreams, i do very much so. But not if it comes to me at night.
Im fucked up that way.
>>>>lov